Helping women find a home of their own after divorce or separation
As a woman faced with divorce or separation, how can you find a home of your own?
In this episode you'll hear from Nicki Pike of TMG - The Mortgage Group Alberta LTD what women need to know in order to find & finance their own home. She also offers valuable insight & information about the help that is available for you.
For more information you can find Nicki online @ www.mortgagewithnicki.com
Call: 403.391.2053
or Email: nicki@mortgagegrp.com
Find Nicki on TikTok, Facebook, Instagram
Watch the video of this interview on our YouTube channel.
Deena Kordt 0:00
Hey, are you or someone you know considering dealing with or been through a divorce or separation? Well you're in the right place? You don't have to do this alone. There are people who care and want to help.
Hi, I'm Deena Kordt, and author, blogger, publisher, and empowerment coach. Thanks for joining me on the divorce magazine Canada podcast. You are going to hear from our team of experts and professionals how to navigate this difficult transition in your life easier, more efficiently. And with better outcomes. Ready? Here we go.
Did you know we host online divorce resource groups that are free to attend and everyone is welcome? Check out the links in our show notes. And be sure and join us. Joining me today is Nicki Pike senior mortgage broker with TMG, the Mortgage Group Alberta, she's going to tell us more about how women can find a home of their own. Even if there has been a separation or divorce that they have gone through. We love bringing experts to you please refer to our terms of service available on our website, divorce magazine canada.com. And stay tuned at the end for all the legal language. Hello, Nicki, I'm so pleased to have you with us today.
Nicki Pike 1:52
Hi, Deena. Thanks for having me.
Deena Kordt 1:54
Yes, it's great. Now I understand you've had your own podcast in the past. That's pretty cool. Yeah,
Nicki Pike 2:01
I did. I went through some pretty tough things. And it seemed to be an outlet for me to talk and share some things that I needed to share. Tell us a bit about yourself. I'm just going to close down my emails real quick. Sure, yeah. Because otherwise, they will just keep coming in sorry. So little. Yeah, a little bit about myself. So I'm a single mom, to my 10 year old daughter, and I'm a mortgage broker. And we spend a lot of our time outside as much as we can we have a horse that we love to ride, we have a dog that we love to take for walks. So anything that we can do to get outside and live our lives is kind of where you'll find us.
Deena Kordt 2:46
Love that. Nicki, in the introduction that we have to this interview, I let people know that you are a mortgage broker, but you also specialize. And can you tell us more about what you've specialized in?
Nicki Pike 3:03
I can. So I specialize in helping people going through a divorce when it comes to their mortgages. So when I went through my divorce, and it was quite a few years ago now being that I was a mortgage broker and I worked every day with lawyers and accountants and life insurance specialists, they worked with all of the professionals someone needs when going through a divorce. But yet I was paralyzed and didn't know what to do. And so I kind of sat back and went, Okay, I have all of the connections and all of the knowledge around this. And I don't know how to move forward. How do other people do it? Right. So it led me to make the decision that maybe I could be a benefit to help people and guide them through the process of what it means to their matrimonial home or to buy a new property. How does that all factor in when you're going through a divorce?
Deena Kordt 3:55
Because that is one of the first questions that comes up. What are we doing with the house? Or their property? Do you also help them if there's businesses involved?
Nicki Pike 4:07
So it depends, I mean, I, I am strictly a residential mortgage broker. So I do struggle to stick to the residential side. But I do have contacts on the commercial mortgage side as well. So if I need to, I can refer them to someone that can help with that.
Deena Kordt 4:23
That's very beneficial, because it's, it's just another complication. That can be something they have to consider. And if you can point them in the right direction, then that's amazing to have a network like that. Now, when you help people, what do you find that the biggest obstacle is in that, you know, dealing with that matrimonial home?
Nicki Pike 4:50
I think there's a lot of emotion that is surrounding the divorce and the matrimonial millennial home especially if there's kids involved because Lots of times I am working with the Hulk, the women I do kind of over the years as I have specialized in divorce, I have kind of also narrowed it down to specializing in helping women go through the divorce. And you know, a lot of times our questions are around our children. I want my children to stay in their home, I how can I afford to keep my kids in their home? How is this going to affect my kids? A lot of our thought thought process is around our children, and providing them that home or keeping them in their home. So that's kind of step one is, let's see, can you afford to keep the home? What does that look like? Sometimes it works on paper. But what does that mean to you? Do you need that big of a home? You know, there's so many questions that go into that. So I try to be more than their mortgage broker, I don't want to cross the line into friendship. I mean, lots of times I do end up keeping in touch after the fact. But I want to be there to help them consider things that maybe they weren't considering going into it.
Deena Kordt 5:58
That is huge. That is part of my mission is to bring that knowledge to the public, from experts like yourself, who can give them some tools, and some some questions that they need to consider before they enter into these processes. Because it's it's so overwhelming. There's so many factors. And if they have some concrete steps and information that they can start asking themselves, then they're more prepared when they do talk to you. It's, it will make the process smoother and more efficient. And so I really appreciate you sharing some of that, can you kind of walk us through the steps? kind of high level of what, what the process would be once they contact you?
Nicki Pike 6:50
Yeah, so again, it really depends on where that conversation goes. So part of my job is reading between the emotions and reading between the overwhelm and getting to Okay, what does what does this person want out of this, because anyone that's gone through a divorce knows the heightened emotions, knows the anxiety, and the overwhelm that they feel at different periods. And I have a friend going through it right now. And she was having a really tough day. And I said to her, I said, you know, I've lost some pretty significant people in my life. And at the worst moments of my divorce, what I was feeling is comparable to what I felt in those moments of grief. And I think that that is something that not enough people recognize or give themselves credit for or give someone that they know going through a divorce credit for. So it's kind of getting to the bottom of that emotion, the overwhelm the anxiety, giving them a minute to let it out. And then my job is to kind of rein them back in and say Okay, so now I know a bit more about you. I know where you're coming from, really, let's talk about the goals and what's best for you and your children if there's children involved. And then if it is keeping the matrimonial home, whether it's keeping it or they want to sell and buy something new, then we're going to do an application. So we need to dive into the boring part of it. And you know, I need the birthdate and social insurance number and employment, which is almost
Deena Kordt 8:10
easier to you know, it's just black and white. Let's get some numbers and facts, your demographics,
Nicki Pike 8:19
yes. And that kind of, again, letting them vent, and then bringing them down to the black and white, it just kind of they're more settled, and they feel like they're taking steps forward because they are and taking those steps forward are such an important thing. So once we have the application, then we can kind of start to strategize, we can start to take a look and talk about the what ifs because lots of these conversations are happening early in the divorce process. So there's no separation agreement, there's no divorce agreement. So what if you receive support payments? What if you pay support payments? What is that? How is that going to impact your application? And what's nice again, about having these conversations early and doing an application early is that they can come to me and say okay, I talked to my lawyer I talked to whoever and this is what we're going to you know proceed with great Let me punch in a few numbers we pay that's how this affects things.
Deena Kordt 9:16
That's really important. Now, I'm hoping that if people understand a little bit more of what we're talking about today, they can maybe have worked through some of those emotional things and their wish list you know, I I maybe don't need this big a home but I want the kids to stay in that neighborhood and that school with their friends or you know, whatever considerations they want or near grandma and grandpa or what, whatever factors are most important to consider. And if they can work through some of that before they get to you that speeds the process up you can kind of get to that black and white a little bit sooner. What are what are what is some information, basic information that is very important for them to know. Especially when you specialize with women? And I don't know what the percentage is now, but there still could be quite a few that didn't have anything to do with the finances. So what information basically what they need to find early on in this process to get these applications started?
Nicki Pike 10:19
Well, for me, it's really simple. It's an online application. So it's more about, about them taking steps to separate themselves financially. So in situations where yeah, maybe the woman wasn't involved in the day to day finances? Or maybe she was whatever that looks like it's do you have a bank account? In your own name? Do you have a credit card in your own name, because you need to start separating those things. And the sooner you can separate those things, actually, the better. And sometimes it's really hard because again, we're in such an emotional state that we're not thinking about all of these things. So it's so important to have the right professionals around you. And to have said, almost set aside time for the emotional stuff. And then set aside time for the black and white stuff where you are taking those steps forward.
Deena Kordt 11:09
Okay, well, that's very good advice to their banker is also somebody that they need to have involved or their accountant and start relationships and setting up the accounts or the credit card.
Nicki Pike 11:25
Being and having, again, those professionals to help guide them. What is that? What kind of a credit card should you get? It seems like such a simple question. But it's a lot of people again, if you're not involved in it day to day, you don't necessarily know why one credit card over another or why. Why a line of credit over a loan, or whatever it is, right? There's so many reasons. So the experts are so important. And we forget about, again, when we're overwhelmed. We forget about things like life insurance, you need to split your life insurance, do you need to redo your will? What all do you need to do? And obviously, that's overwhelming in itself. So it's like, okay, so here's a checklist of everything you're going to need to do, we're going to start here. And by the end of this, you're gonna have all these boxes tested, and you're going to feel like you've accomplished something, and you're going to start your new life and it is going to feel good.
Deena Kordt 12:21
Yes, and I think that reassurance that there are people that can help you through all of this in, whether it's at the bank, or the lawyer's office, or through a mortgage broker, like yourself, there are people that can make this easier. And talking about bank accounts, there's even a variety of bank accounts. You can walk in and say, I want to open a bank account. But I remember being in that space and realizing I need to make some changes here. I'm divorced and have been through the process and just naive. And fortunately, I was involved with managing the finances and understood it to a degree. But then when I walked into open, never anything that hadn't been joint before, and it felt very it just kind of solidified my decision that I needed to leave. And in a way, it almost felt like I was being dishonest to start, you know, opening this on my own and looking out for myself and preparing for a future where I'm not in a marriage after all those years was something that I that emotion pops up again, right. And you have to deal with these at different levels as you start separating your life. So to have someone in your corner like yourself, who isn't, you're a mortgage broker, but you actually specifically want to help people with these complicated situations. And it's not like, you know, we feel we're in expecting a lot of extra assistance because we're, we're, we're not just coming in to buy a house, which in itself is very complex, but we are also with a divorce and, you know, some more complication there. So having that peace of mind that there's somebody who wants to help you through exactly where you are. So that's amazing. Yeah,
Nicki Pike 14:18
my goal is really, really simple. And it's to help someone feel less of what I felt going through my divorce. And again, as a broker, one of the most stressful parts of my divorce was buying my own place. And I don't know why I don't know how to explain that to people because it's what I do every day, but it was the hardest part of it.
Deena Kordt 14:38
Interesting.
Nicki Pike 14:40
It's stressful. Excuse me. Losing my voice
Deena Kordt 14:51
it is a difficult space to be in. What did you find was the biggest obstacle you said that was the most difficult part of the divorce.
Nicki Pike 14:57
It was the waiting I mean I know that I'm not a patient person. And it's one thing when I reassure my clients, you know what I'm going to hear from the lender today, I'll update you as soon as I can. It was another thing when I was the one waiting for that approval, and waiting to know that my purchase was finalized and know that I had a place for me and my daughter to go to. And there was so much riding on that approval and on that home purchase, emotionally and physically, if you look at it from that perspective, and I needed a place so badly, I needed to get out for different reasons. And you know, it's interesting, you said earlier about, you know, maybe the house is too big, and you want to find the same neighborhood, I literally bought from around the corner of where I lived. And we eventually did sell the house that we own together. But right away, like I just I moved around the corner, it kept my daughter under school, like kept. While she was three, I guess I shouldn't say kept her in school. But I kept her in the neighborhood where she was developing friendships in the park, and just a comfort. So I didn't want to take that change everything all at once. And, you know, seven and a half years later, I'm still in the same house.
Deena Kordt 16:04
So and you maintain some familiarity for herself and for you, right, just some consistency in a time of upheaval. And what you've been through, has built so much compassion for your clients, because you have been on that other side. And, you know, you're able to reassure them because you've been there. And it's common, you know, I avoid the word normal. I've started substituting it with common, but it's normal to feel these emotions pop up when they least expect it maybe. And it might be while they're waiting to, to hear about the next step.
Nicki Pike 16:44
I think that like for me, those were the hardest things is it felt like I was stuck in a lot of ways like I wanted the Separation Agreements, I wanted to play like I wanted to move forward quicker than the process allowed me to do. And so again, we talked about though, that anxiety and the emotions, it's not always around the end of the relationship. It's around the process. It's around, you know how slow it can be. It's around, like you said, walking into the bank, I actually hired a company to help me budget, because as I'm self employed, when I did when we did my daughter, and I did move out, my finances still changed. And I realized I was paying so much money in bank fees. Like just sitting down and having someone again an expert look and go, Wow. Okay, so you're spending this on this? And this on this and this on this?
Deena Kordt 17:35
Why? i Yeah.
Nicki Pike 17:38
I don't know. Right. And so just having someone come in and go through where my money was going was a huge piece of it. So there's so many things that yeah, having the right people in your corner can definitely help.
Deena Kordt 17:51
Oh, after the application process is started, what is kind of the next really big step?
Nicki Pike 17:57
It's really, it, we can only do so much until we have something on paper in regards to the separation. Because especially if there's kids in a matrimonial home involved, those things need to be dealt with through a legal separation agreement. And so it's kind of a preliminary, here's the application here is what you could qualify for. Yes, you could keep the matrimonial home. No, you can't. If you sell and bought something that could look like this. But really, we have to wait until the divorce or separation starts to move. Yeah, I do. I have a process. It's not just around women going through a divorce. It's really specifically for women. Because I know for me, again, single mom, just the mental load, everything that I carry in a day, my brain is not always thinking about everything that needs well, it is thinking about everything that needs to happen, but it's not able to put it all together. And so my process is really around reminders, information at different parts of the process. But like, Hey, I know you probably forgot half of our conversation and that's okay. Yeah, here's a follow up. Right. So it's just yeah, that's
Deena Kordt 19:05
it, that it just acknowledges that they are dealing with a lot and that you're very forgiving and understanding of that and, you know, the board of I think that's amazing. It's very reassuring to know that there are service providers like yourself that are and have created a way of supporting people through it. What would you say is your best advice for someone going through a divorce?
Nicki Pike 19:36
My best advice I would say that I two answers to that. So one would be surround yourself with the right professionals, you actually need a team of professionals to support you, mortgage broker, accountant, lawyer, life insurance therapist, I am a huge advocate for normalizing therapy and anyone going through a divorce needs. I think we all do. But again, any changes that big in our lives definitely At least a therapist, and trusting those experts. So without the big one, it is a big one. And then my last piece would be, just be kind to yourself, and acknowledge that what you're going through is really, really big. And it's really hard. And we tend to, especially as women, we are really hard on ourselves. And we blame ourselves and we shame or knee, do all of these things to ourselves that are so unnecessary. But I know I can't tell you to stop because I do it. I've been through enough therapy, you think I'd stopped? I don't. So I can't, I will never tell someone to stop. But I will tell you just be kind to yourself.
Deena Kordt 20:43
So this, this is incredible advice for anybody, but especially in these situations. So first, ask, ask for help. Don't be afraid to ask and trust that who you ask, and the help that is offered is legit, it's going to help you lean into it. And then the third one is not only trust yourself, but be kind and take care of yourself. I say sage advice? Well, that
Nicki Pike 21:12
was a great summary. So thank you.
Deena Kordt 21:16
It was easy. You provided the material, I just repeated back what I heard. And I think we could all take that advice, whether we're going through a divorce or not in life is we we're here to walk each other home I love. I don't even know who said I've heard that many times from famous people. And that's what it is we're here to walk into their home. And how does someone know that maybe you need help or will allow that help unless you ask. So you aren't alone. Ask for the help. And then trust that people's motives are, are genuine and pure. And trust is really takes a hit. If you're at a point in your life that you're separating from significant relationship. Your trust is already pretty shaky. And I think that's so important to hear from from us. And thank you for bringing that up that we do. Seek out that help but trust that they they do have our interests in mind our best interests, and that there is a whole network of people that can help. So you've mentioned some of the professionals you work with. Do you have a network then of referrals that you can offer to people? So they aren't just doing a Google search and finding the first
Nicki Pike 22:38
Yeah, 100% and talking about the trust, it's you don't have to hire the first lawyer you're taught to write like, Trust yourself, trust your gut. And if that doesn't feel right, then talk to another one. You don't have to hire them just because they took the time to talk to you. So I do have an entire network including because again, as a single woman, I don't love having trades guys coming into my house if I don't know them or like Ray just using the Yellow Pages dating myself, you know, I'm not going to flip the pages anymore and and pick someone. So I even have, you know, a plumber like handyman those kinds of people that I've vetted that I feel safe like in them into my home, because I think safety is really important for us as women to And absolutely, yeah, so it's not just the financial experts. Sometimes we need other experts, my furnace, but my furnace crapped out the other night. No problem, call the plumber. I know, hey, I need help. I know it's seven. No problem. Right? I feel safe about having him come into my home at seven o'clock at night. So safety is a big part of it, too. So yes, I do have a network
Deena Kordt 23:42
well as women but also as mothers. Yes. Because we bring someone into our home or we are dealing with someone, even if they aren't exposed to our children, but it's professional we're working with we want them to consider our role as a mother and our children in our lives and acknowledge that and make allowances for that whether it's a schedule change, or financial planning. We need to acknowledge and include that in our plan is because it's extremely important.
Nicki Pike 24:16
Absolutely. I mean, my daughter is consumes most of my thoughts in the day. What am I going to feed her for supper, but time for me tonight. There is so much like once your mom everything just I swear it changes how your brain works forever.
Deena Kordt 24:34
It changes how your brain works forever. Yeah. That's so true. And our heart is out here now. It's out in the world. Are there times? Yes. I've so enjoyed our conversation and I hope that you will join us again on you know, all the platforms that this will be shared out to. And I think there's more that we can dig into as far as the process and how you were able to support people and, and especially women through a divorce. I from from all the women out there, I said my thanks that you recognize that and that you offer such a specialized service.
Nicki Pike 25:16
Yeah, it's been a really fun thing to do to be honest. And obviously it's not fun with the women and helping are going through but getting to know them and being able to support them through that process. It's it's kind of turned into my why it's made me love mortgages again, because it's never I didn't start doing mortgages, because I love mortgages. I started doing mortgages, because I want to help people. And yeah, and it's funny how our own life experiences kind of help get us where we need to be. Not just,
Deena Kordt 25:43
yeah, I am involved with divorce magazine candidate opening these conversations and creating opportunities for building out these networks so that there's awareness that there's a need, over 40% of marriages in Alberta are ending in divorce, and now a way to connect people. So I, I just I'm excited to be able to do that. Is there any last thoughts that you'd like to share points that you'd like to make?
Nicki Pike 26:11
I would like to say thank you to you. I love the whole divorce magazine, and bringing all of those of us that specialize in this, it's nice to have one place where we can share our information and our knowledge and help people. So I think that's amazing that, that these these places exists, and that you're doing this. So thank you,
Deena Kordt 26:32
thank you, I appreciate it. And while we're on it, since this video, the podcasters won't be able to see this, but go find the video. It'll be on our website. This is the brand new Divorce Magazine Canada, just launched last week, and here is Nicki.
Nicki Pike 26:47
My very serious divorce.
Deena Kordt 26:49
That's my don't mess with me. And that's what we want. We want somebody in our corner that is is definitely on our side to help support us through this. Thanks again, Nicki. I look forward to connecting with you again. And bringing you out to the people who need your support, and we'll be happy to have discovered you. Now Nicki's contact information will be in the show notes. Nicki Pike is a mortgage broker. And she specializes in helping women who are going through divorce. So please check the show notes. We'll have all those links there and you'll be able to reach out. Talk to her directly. Thanks again, Nicki. Thank you. Hopefully you heard something today that helps you wherever you might be in life. Do you have questions or a suggestion for a topic you want to know more about? Let me know. Check the show notes for all the contact information. Follow this podcast and find us on social. Know anyone who might find this information helpful. Be a friend and share it. And hey, thank you for hanging out with me today. Keep smiling up beautiful smile. The world needs your sunshine.
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