Divorce Magazine Canada Podcast: Hope in Hell Series Intro.
"Hope in Hell" is a series dedicated to creating more awareness about Domestic Violence & Abuse by sharing information, stories, and opportunities to meet & join those who are making a difference.
YOU are the CHANGE.
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Deena Kordt 0:00
Hey, are you or someone you know considering dealing with or been through a divorce or separation? While you're in the right place? You don't have to do this alone. There are people who care and want to help.
Hi, I'm Deena Kordt, and author, blogger, publisher, and empowerment coach. Thanks for joining me on the Divorce Magazine Canada podcast, you are going to hear from our team of experts and professionals how to navigate this difficult transition in your life easier, more efficiently, and with better outcomes. Ready, here we go.
Today, I'd like to introduce you to a brand new series that's going to be on the Divorce Magazine, Canada podcast. This series is called "Hope in Hell". It's a place where you can become more aware, learn more about, support and understand those who are living or have lived in unsafe situations. I want to create an environment that is more compassionate, more accepting, more supportive, and understanding of those who have had to deal with, are healing from our are currently in situations that we should no longer be ignoring or hoping that others will take care of. Please join me for this Hope in Hell series where I will be sharing stories from people who have been there, or from organizations who are there to help.
Did you know we host online divorce resource groups that are free to attend and everyone is welcome. Check out the links in our show notes. And be sure and join us. We love bringing experts to you please refer to our terms of service available on our website, divorcemagazinecanada.com. And stay tuned at the end for all the legal language.
This series on the Divorce Magazine Canada podcast and on our YouTube channel. And on our socials. All of this is going to bring a call to action, a call to action for creating a community of compassion, awareness and safety. For those who are affected or healing from domestic violence situation. I am really very concerned. I'm concerned about what is happening. We've seen an escalation of this during and post-pandemic as well. There needs to be an awareness. We need to quit ignoring this.
Now if you reach out and connect with someone to your left, and reach out to someone to your right, one of the three people in the group that you've just created is likely to develop cancer in their lifetime. That's pretty shocking, right? So many people around you will be affected by this terrifying to date. But what's even more shocking. They are just as likely to be victims of domestic violence. Now, which one of those stats make you the most uncomfortable? One in three women and one in four men have experienced some form of domestic violence. Now if it's not you, then you know someone who has. Let that sink in.
Being aware of the prevalence and the high frequency is just a start. Understanding that definition is a prerequisite. Sharing is the necessity. Why? Why should you care? Why can't you continue to hope it just goes away or that someone else will intervene and deal? Why? Imagine yourself in a situation where you don't feel 100% safe. That, my friend, is abuse. I lived with it for most of my life. Feeling alone, ashamed, feeling afraid. Imagine that your daughter your sister, granddaughter, niece, your nephew, your brother, your mother, your friend, your neighbor, anyone not feeling safe.
How many of those people reach out and are met with zero belief, compassion, acceptance or support zero, or next to zero. They face questions that they can't answer for themselves. Here's some of them questions that have kept them locked in or returning to abusive situation. Stuff like, "Why don't you just leave?" "How did you let it get so bad?" "Why have you put up with it for so long?" "Is it really that bad?" "Are you even sure it's abuse?" Those are questions that people in these situations ask themselves. And they aren't even sure the answers.
And many think that they're in a situation that is just like other people, or they don't, they become used to it, they've allowed that type of treatment, and they're ashamed. There afraid they aren't necessarily even aware that what they're experiencing is abuse, it's become part of their life, their environment, and maybe they've even grown up in it. So this is really part of what they feel is what they deserve as the treatment that they deserve. Then they step out, sometimes very tentatively, sometimes with a slight little hint, and asking for help. Someone just to notice somebody to even ask, is this something I should? I should be concerned about? Is this wrong? It's doesn't feel safe. But maybe it's my imagination.
And many times they're met with those types of questions, people going, Well, if you're not sure, it probably isn't abuse, or are you? Are you even sure it's that bad, or how come you don't just leave, please don't turn away. One in three people, you know, or are around you, are living in this hell, please don't turn away. They are staying in unsafe abusive environments, because they are scared, uncertain, demoralized, feeling alone and invisible, they need to be seen, they need you. Even after they make the decision to leave, they need you. They need you more than than ever.
Did you know that it can take sometimes 7, 8, 9, 10 times for someone to get up the nerve and the courage to leave that many times. They don't get the support, they don't get the encouragement, and they go back. There's such a thing that's called trauma bonding, you're so used to that situation, the hell, you know, is easier than stepping out into the unknown, especially when you're met with people who won't acknowledge you. They add to the shame and the guilt of why you stayed and and why you let it get that bad and, and even questioning was that really abuse you have the power to change, and how by understanding that violence is defined and includes far more than physical abuse. It's also psychological, financial, emotional, sexual, psychosocial many other ways.
So number one, this is how you can help to change is understand what violence, domestic violence includes. And it's not just between intimate partners. It can be with children. It can be parents, grandparents, it can be anyone that you are around, that is making you feel unsafe in any of these ways.
And number two, speak up bigger, become a safe, supportive village that won't tolerate disrespect. And you won't just look the other way you won't tolerate. Think about some of the memes and the jokes and the reels and stuff that you chuckle at and it makes you feel a little uncomfortable because it's bordering on disrespect moralizing really, gray areas, in some cases, but it does allow that bullying atmosphere now the people around they don't they're too afraid to step in or speak up.
You are part of the change that will give these people hope and help. Now there's more to this more ways that you can help. We want people to know that they are not alone, that we believe them. We believe them When they speak up, and this is why we want them to know that there is hope for them, there is hope in this hell, even after they leave, especially after they leave when they're trying to heal and reintegrate into a society that is safe, where they don't have to be hyper vigilant all the time, where they can trust, learn to trust themselves, trust their own judgments, trust others. It's a huge healing process. Believe me, I know. There are many times I'm still triggered by something, or I need to step back and take a breath and find my calm, peaceful space and realize, okay, I don't need to be concerned about a situation, it's not going to escalate, I am, I am out of that environment.
Now, whether you're concerned about your own safety, security and sanity or are concerned for someone you care about, you are not alone. We believe you we care we can help.
There is a community of very supportive people and organization that can and want to help domestic abuse and intimate partner abuse is very real. Domestic violence is very real. And it's not just physical people compare their abuse their experiences to others, I have a friend who was shot and killed in a domestic violence situation, just three years ago, I have another friend who was stabbed 37 times and survived, and is an advocate for survivors. An advocate for people who want to get out and need to get out and your dogs are the extreme cases, that doesn't mean that what I experienced in a narcissistic abusive environment that that ran me down, or me down. I did feel threatened physically as well, at times. I, I was still in an abusive situation. And some people stay locked in those situations, because they compare. They say, Well, he hit me only once twice, you know, he didn't really mean to I had a comment, or I made a matter, or you know, or I've never been hurt, or I'm not really sure if it's abuse, because I'm just you know, it just I'm used to this or I know others who've stayed, don't compare.
We compare our own abuse to others. And then we step out into a community looking for support, as we get out, and as we heal. And again, we're met with Are you sure that was even abused? Like, it wasn't as bad as this case or that case? Abuse is abuse, violence is violence. And violence is not always physical. If you do not feel safe in any way, you are in an abusive situation. It's not healthy, it's not healthy for you, for your site, for your family, for your children, you need to get out, you need to heal. It's okay. I'm trying very hard to create a safe and supportive community that is aware, is conscious and is compassionate. And you can be part of that.
Now, if you have experienced it. Your message your voice is so needed. And it's so powerful, because where you've been or what you've done and how you have thrived and survived or our healing needs to be known by the others who are struggling with this. Your voice is so powerful and helping them and I'm offering you ways to do that. Domestic Abuse domestic violence is a very real thing. And it happens in numerous ways. You many people are afraid to confide in anyone afraid to ask for help, right to get out. Most feel ashamed that they're even in a situation like this. One of the bravest things that you can do is use your voice. One of the bravest things that you can do is use your voice whether it's to ask for help, or whether it's to support others. When you share your experiences in your story, you have the power to make a difference in this. It might feel like a small drop in the bucket, you have the power to make a difference. You will find support to make the changes that can literally save your life and your sanity. By sharing your voice you will bring awareness and compassion to the world that so others will be more readily helped when they reach out. By sharing your voice you will create connections with many others for a village of understanding, support and courage. That's what happened for me. Someone was brave enough to share with me what they had experienced. That helped me actually knowledge what If I needed to do, and that I would find safety, I could find happiness, relief peace. Because others did that I was able to connect with the help and the support that I needed to get to, to find a better way to live my life. In a happier, safer place.
You matter, your story matters. And you can be the change for yourself and for others. Now, what I'm also doing my passion is to bring awareness to the abuse that exists in so many domestic and intimate partner situations. When there is awareness, there's opportunity, opportunity to free people from the guilt, the shame and the fear that traps them in these unsafe and unhealthy situations. And it impacts their safety, their choices, their healing, and their future. When they hear your story, they will know that you are a part of that community that believes them that accepts them and will support them in getting the help they need to heal and thrive.
Please consider adding your story to this collection. I am publishing at least one book, hopefully we have enough stories for more books. But I'm pulling those stories together and publishing them. They can be written anonymously, there's no cost at all to be involved. Don't have to be a professional writer. I want to hear your story, as if you were sitting down and sharing it with a friend, because that is who is going to be reading this book. People who need your friendship, we need your story. You can remain anonymous, there are no fees to take part and all the proceeds will be donated to organizations that help and support when I'm calling the book, hope in hell. Now there is a link that I will include in the show notes so that you can connect with me directly you can learn more about it. I really am passionate about this now whether you would like to write your full story are part of a story I'm I would also love to feature your writing again, that can be done anonymously, on the divorce magazine candidate blog as well as on my own you glow girl blog. And if you are comfortable, I would love to interview you for the podcast in this hope in hell series. The Hope in Hell series is going to feature survivors thrivers people who are willing to share their story as well as the incredibly wonderful people who are part of organizations that can help and support you in this space. Please reach out, please let us know how we can help you. I will also include links for these organizations. If you are someone who's looking for help right away, you can contact them directly. I look forward to getting to know you to hearing your stories to help them support you in your healing process. And I would love to share your story with others. My story will resonate with some people, your story will resonate with others who are in situations similar to you. That's why we need more than just my voice. That's how you can be part of the change in this world.
Now I also have a special gift for you. And I will include the link in the show notes I've put together on ebook. All you are the change. And you'll find tools for defining and identifying abuse, ways that you can share your story and support others find help, and also some self care healing information and I am excited to share this with you. It's a free ebook, and I will include that link as well in the show notes. Thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for caring. Thank you for wanting to be part of this very important change make a difference in our world.
Hopefully you heard something today that helps you wherever you might be in life. Do you have questions or a suggestion for a topic you want to know more about? Let me know. Check the show notes for all the contact information. Follow this podcast and find us on social. Know anyone who might find this information helpful. Be a friend and share it. And hey, thank you for hanging out with me today. Keep smiling up beautiful smile. The world needs your sunshine
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