Struggling with conflict in your life? Hear how a mediator can help - usually with less time and less expense.
Finding the right fit to help you resolve conflict - whether it's a divorce, separation, family matter or something you're dealing with at work, a mediator can be a very valuable member of your team.
My guest today is Mediator Jerusha Letal. She has a background as a chartered professional accountant, a skill that is also an asset to her mediation clients. Her mission is to help people - with efficient resolutions while offering cooperative conflict resolutions in her Calgary practice Resolved Mediation. Jerusha truly cares - so much so that she left her accounting career to help guide people through these difficult & challenging situations.
For more information you can find Jerusha:
Website: Resolved Mediation
Phone: 587-323-1890
Email: jerusha@resolvedmediation.ca
Watch the video of this interview on our YouTube channel.
Deena Kordt 0:00
Is there a situation in your life with a lot of conflict, it might be in your marriage, your partnership, your relationship it might be at work might be with your children or your family? Mediators can offer amazing results that don't take forever. They truly care. They are part of a team that helps you through this. And it doesn't have to cost crazy amounts of money.
Jerusha Letal is a mediator in Calgary, who actually comes from a chartered accountant background, and she's able to offer insights in and knowledge from that area as well to help support you and help you figure out if a divorce or a separation or is in the case of a workplace, maybe there's a career change or a move that needs to be made or some negotiations, she's able to support you through those types of things in most cases. We're going to meet her and hear more about how she can do that. And you'll really see how much she cares.
I also want to encourage you to join our online divorce resource groups, and they are every two weeks, they're available online, you can jump in from wherever you are, all of those links, and event information is on our events page. And those links will be in the show notes as well.
I also really encourage you to check out our YouTube channel where you can see the videos of all of the podcast interviews, as well as other information. There's information with the resources on our website, and in our quarterly online magazines and subscribe to our newsletters that are going to be coming out right away this year. So much information you'll know about any events that are coming up, what's coming up on the podcast, and links to everything. We also will be having some events that are coming up this year with lots of great insight, great information from our experts, you'll have opportunities to ask them questions and to meet them so much information. So explore our website, and see what there is for you that will help you in your tricky situations in life.
Now, let's meet Jerusha.
Jerusha! Thank you for joining me today. I really am intrigued to learn more about what you do as a mediator. What got you interested in serving people in this way? So your why? And we're going to tackle some questions that I don't think I've covered yet on the show about mediators and how that you can help people. And I, you know, I think it's really interesting for families to know that there is more than just running to a lawyer immediately. And I'm doing the whole divorce process that way that a mediator can really help them with some conflict resolution parenting plan, we're gonna get into this. So this this is this is good stuff. And the only way that people are going to know is if, if they hear about it from from, you know, places like this, and to know specifically about your stories important to because then they feel like you aren't just somebody that they found in a random Google search, right? This who is Tricia and why does she care? So welcome. Please tell us more about yourself.
Jerusha Letal 3:25
Well, thank you, Deena. I'm really excited to do this and to be here and to share my and to share my practice and my philosophy around mediation with you. So my backstory, I am a chartered accountant by training or a CPA, were now designated as a Chartered Professional Accountant. And I worked in the corporate world, both in public accounting and as well in some private, small, smaller businesses. Through my career, and as I as I looked around me, I watched friends and family members getting divorced. And I watched people that were doing it really well. And their kids were no worse for wear in those situations.
I had a really close friend where for two years they were divorced and people didn't even know it because when they went to watch their kids play hockey or when they went to watch their kid, their daughter play ring at they sat together, they were friendly, their their kids weren't just with one on a certain weekend it was they they co parented and they they did things really well. And then I watched the more stereotypical situation where people were at war and at war in public, and it were in front of their children. And I thought how was it that there can be such different approaches to this. And I started looking around me and I started researching the ways that people could do it. And it was strictly out of a desire to help. And to make a change that was positive in the world.
As an accountant, I have a skill set that allows me to tackle asset division, very simplistically, and in a manner that people understand. So that, you know that that led me down the path to know that, you know, I have the skill set to do Divorce mediation from a financial perspective. But more than anything, I don't like to watch people suffer, and I can't stand seeing kids suffer. And so for me, that's what brought me here, I started training in mediation, I have taken more courses than I can count. And, and I stepped into that world. And, and I do believe that every family can do it differently. They don't have to go to war with a lawyer, they can come see me, they can come see another mediator. And they can choose, even though things are hard, and even though things are emotional, they can choose to do things in a way that leaves them with dignity, and leaves them with the ability to honor a past relationship that they had with somebody that they just no longer love, or are in love with. And so that's why I do what I do
Deena Kordt 6:35
for encouraging our families, because not only do you have a unique background and finance that can support them, but you've, you're in this because you've observed that there, there's an easier, healthier, less dramatic and traumatic way of dealing with this situation. And now you are able to support people in that way, you know, you made that observation, you took the education now have a practice where you can support people to do this, in that in the better way that you were observing. So I really applaud you for that. What are some of the benefits of of using a mediator that you would say, people might not be aware of, you know, is it faster than using a lawyer? Are there other things that a mediator or maybe be equipped to help with differently than a lawyer like I sometimes hear, maybe more the emotional side of it, where lawyers are a lot better equipped and prefer to deal with, you know, the black and white like the legalities?
Jerusha Letal 7:47
So I think every mediator is different. I believe that I run my mediations, very quickly, when it comes to divorce, I do not want it to cost families more than it needs to. However, I do allow them to drive the process in which they get through it. So for me, I would say that, on average, when somebody starts with me, they can have their separation agreement easily within six weeks. Now a lot of that is dictated by them, because they still are required to provide me with full disclosure of assets. And that is because at the end of the day, I have to make sure that I've I have gone through all of the things that a lawyer would go through. What saves them time is that they're hiring only me. And they're not hiring individual lawyers at that stage. And so I can do every piece, there's not emails going back and forth between lawyers and working within their time calendars and their and their practice. So it can be very fast. And it's very efficient, because we tackle things one at a time together. So you're taking out that middle step where where other people are communicating on your behalf, and maybe not even communicating for you and your thoughts and desires, but for what they believe is best. And so I allow people to have those really hard conversations and come to agreements that are best for them individually.
Deena Kordt 9:34
And you work with couples, do you work with one person or the other person or is it always best? Like an your mediator? So mediator implies there's two parties, right? Right.
Jerusha Letal 9:48
So there I am often asked if I can just support one person and do the separation. If only one person comes to me and I cannot do that because at the end of the day I don't Don't know if disclosures complete, I don't know if the other person agrees. So I could bring you all the way to a Separation Agreement on everything that you say and want. But if your partner doesn't agree to it, it's a waste of your money and a waste of your time. So in that sense, I do need both parties involved. Now, there are two ways of mediating, I can mediate with two people in the room. And we go through everything step by step, we cover everything together. And at the end of the day, that's the fastest way to go. However, that being said, there is situations where there is sometimes too much hurt and too much emotion. And, and a party isn't able to comfortably sit together. And in that, in that case, I do what's called shuttle mediation, where I will literally talk to one person book another meeting, talk to the other party, and sort of negotiate as a go between, it's still faster than two lawyers as go betweens. But it is a little bit slower process. So I can do it that way. And I, I allow that to be decided by the client. By each couple that comes to
Deena Kordt 11:07
me, you have case where there's a lot of conflict or there's been abuses and safeties are potentially an issue, then you can accommodate
Jerusha Letal 11:19
those type of situation, I can definitely accommodate accommodate those situations. I will also assess in that moment, or in in the intake of that, that client, if mediation is right for them. Because in a situation if there's domestic abuse, or or danger, mediation might not be the right answer. It might be in that it can get you done faster and out of the situation faster. But I would never discount a lawyer's ability to protect somebody potentially better than I could, because I don't have I don't have the ability to to go to court and petition things and get protection orders and things like that. And if somebody has a protection order, it can also hamper mediation, because sometimes they're not allowed to communicate with each other. So it's something that has to be assessed consideration.
Deena Kordt 12:20
Yeah, back to the, you know, working with two people and towards an agreement. So I have some questions around that. If they have pretty much everything, except there's they're stuck on one thing that they can't agree on? How do you work towards getting past that so
Jerusha Letal 12:43
often that that conversation can come down to a reality check. So if you can't, if you can't agree to one thing, and it's a financial thing, we can wrap up the entire rest of Separation Agreement and send you off to a lawyer to resolve one issue that can end up unwinding what you have agreed to in the past. But sometimes it's a gut check for people and they have to sit back and they have to question for themselves. And these are the conversations that I help them have is why are we stuck? What is it about that one thing that you can't let go? And what is the cost benefit of continuing to dig in your heels on that one issue. And so when people dig deep below that surface of what, what they want to start thinking about why they want it and what is their actual need in that moment, they can often move from that position. And then and then you can get through it. But it just takes time. It takes time it takes thoughtful, like a thoughtful moment with oneself to determine what your actual needs are, what your desires are, and not necessarily just what you think you want. And that can often help you
Deena Kordt 14:05
find two that when they share with each other, the why? That they're more compassionate to say, oh, that's why it's so important to you and why you're, you know, holding your ground on this. And it's different than my why. But it makes sense. And so, you know, we have some more compassion around that. Because conflict resolution is a big part of what a mediator helps people learn, correct?
Jerusha Letal 14:34
Yeah, so conflict resolution is at the core of what we do. And what I try to tell people is that my job is never to provide you with a solution. I don't have one every family's perfect divorce. Perfect Separation Agreement is perfect for their family and not another family and it has nothing to do with me and so my job is actually just a facilitator really hard A conversation conversation that you don't know how to have on your own. And it's to ask the questions that help you understand each other, because you don't understand the person sitting across from you when you are in conflict, because you're too preoccupied with your own side. Right. And so when you can break that down and find that why and in mediation, we call that your interests. What are your interests in this moment? What is your why? What is your desire, and you allow that other person to not only under hear it, they have to hear it first, and people don't hear very well. But get them to that point of understanding, and that is, when you see movement and shifts and opinion and shifts in, in, in people's stances?
Deena Kordt 15:49
Is there anything that can't be decided? That's mediation?
Jerusha Letal 15:55
Um, no, not really. I can mediate anybody through anything. Now, there are situations where I said, like I said, lawyers sometimes need to be involved. So if there is, if there is a need to protect the children, if there is a if there is a need to protect a wife that's outside of the scope of mediation, but when it comes to parenting, assets, anything like that, that can be mediated, and that can be decided with couples. So I wouldn't think there's, there's ever a situation where outside of outside of safety concerns that I couldn't mediate a divorce separation agreement for, you
Deena Kordt 16:43
know, Separation Agreements. That is what they would probably be aiming to complete while they work with you. And then that is something they would then take to a lawyer, correct? Yeah.
Jerusha Letal 16:56
So yeah, so what I what I do when I'm working with my clients is I will draft what's called a mediated agreement. Okay. And once they've approved that, and it's exactly what they want it to say that I contract, A Legal Professional to draft a Separation Agreement as because that's a legal document. But I have somebody that I utilize, and so then I deliver a legal separation agreement to my clients, and then they take that to their independent lawyers for advice. And that usually is a fairly quick meeting in that the lawyer goes through it with them, make sure they understand what they're signing off on. They may say, you know, if there's a situation where a spouse has agreed to waive, say, an equalization payment, and they're coming out maybe a little bit short on the cash side, or something like that. A lawyer may question that, like, why are you doing that you may be entitled to XYZ. But at the end of the mediation, if I've done my job correctly, then the person says to lawyer, yeah, no. But we agreed on this together, this is what's best for our family. And that's all the lawyer needs to hear. The lawyer just needs to know that you've actually, you actually understand what you've put in your agreement. And so decision, yeah, so the the independent legal advice, at the end of a good mediation should only be an hour or so of their time. And if for some reason, something was uncovered with the lawyer that somebody really didn't understand, and maybe now disagrees with, then you just revisit that, you know, you come back to the table and you remediate it.
Deena Kordt 18:40
What do people need to have in place when they first come to see you and through the process to reach having that separation agreement.
Jerusha Letal 18:51
So when they first come see me, the most important thing is that they have to have a desire to work together to get through it. Nobody can mediate if only one person is willing to come to the table, and have that conversation and have the desire to find middle ground. If one person wants to fight. A mediator can't help. Right? So they both have to have that desire and that motivation to move through things in a in an amicable fashion and find middle ground. Because coming to a solution is on their own shoulders. So that's first and foremost. And then when it comes to the the, the asset division, people don't think they maybe have to provide disclosure to a mediator. But if you're coming to me, I'm going to require I require less than a lawyer does.
A lawyer will want six months worth of documents, six months worth of statements. I'm only looking for for one month, unless you believe that somebody's hiding money or funneling money and there needs to be a conversation around it. Really, at the end of the day. We just need to know what's there. And then once there's full disclosure, and both both parties agree that, that what is on the table for what I call a net worth statement, then we can start talking about how you divide that. But again, at the end of the day, you have to take this to a lawyer. So I need to provide everything in an in a package that a lawyer can look at and say, Yeah, you did touch, you did touch everything. I'm not a lawyer, I can't provide you legal advice, but I can make sure that we've covered everything that a lawyer wants to see.
Deena Kordt 20:32
And it's a great partnership that way, because everybody is in their own area of expertise. Not that lawyers can't do this at all, but then they don't have to deal with all of the the mediation part so much, it's that that back and forth and facilitating those conversations, they can, they can now finalize legalized, and, you know, obviously give counsel around what has been decided and worked through. And their time is, is, you know, they have a better prepared client that comes forward, the client is more confident in what they've decided they've worked through a lot of that, and it just streamlines everything for everybody.
Jerusha Letal 21:22
So it does, and there is I mean, I work with high net worth people because of my background in in accounting. But I also have a large piece of my practice with people that do not have the funds that it requires to go through a divorce with a lawyer. And they often feel trapped and stuck, because they don't, they have issues that they need to work through. But they don't have that they don't have the money that it's going to cost them if they go through a lawyer. And so working with a mediator, when you're hiring only one professional versus two, and in a more efficient manner, I'm able to serve people that that really struggle otherwise to get through their, their separation, and in a manner that serves them. Well.
Deena Kordt 22:12
Amazing, Jerusha, thank you so much for you know, really shedding some more light on how you approach this and the benefits of having a mediator and how this can lead whether it's financial or timewise. You know, and you kind of have a unique background as well, with the accounting that, you know, you can explain to people when they have questions, because there's a lot of fear. And there's a lot of unknown unknowns really, when they're talking about their assets and what what that's going to mean for them, it does remind me of one more question I was gonna wrap up, but when it comes to their finances, are you able to also help them create some type of a future plan for how they can navigate these now, separately.
Jerusha Letal 23:03
So I can't wear both hats, right? I can't be immediate mediator and and accountant at the same time. But what I do do like that would just be that would put me outside of the ethical space of either one of my professors as both a mediator and an accountant. But what I do do often is highlight and identify tax situations that they will need to look into. There are tax issues when you divide your assets and and they're often unknown, even to lawyers, I'll have lawyers come back to me and ask why did you do it like that? And once I explained the tax consequences of certain transactions, then they can be like, oh, yeah, okay, I understand that. And then they're, they're more on board with the separation agreement. But the other piece of it is, is that I work through a lot of detailed budgets with my clients so that they can understand their financial situation going forward. And then I have great resources around me, that can advise them on how to how to manage their finances going forward, if you're, if you're a spouse, that's getting a large lump sum payout. In lieu of like monthly spousal support or something, you know, what do you do is as a, as somebody that may not have a lot of knowledge and you suddenly get $500,000? Do you just walk into the bank? Some people think that's, that's what they've got to do.
And then I have a large network of people that I would say, You know what, with that kind of money coming into your possession, why don't you go talk to an advisor and actual wealth advisor and see what they can do to help you out? Because then every couple that comes to me, one of the two parties does not understand their finances. Very interesting. Right in every divorce that I have ever worked on, one party manages the finances and the other one doesn't know what's happening. And that does It mean it's always the man or or always the woman, but there is always one, one person within a relationship that manages that.
Deena Kordt 25:07
That's very encouraging that you have this network that can support them and in managing all of this, too, so that's fantastic. Thank you Jerusha for shedding light on some of these areas that you know people aren't necessarily aware of are available to them, and consider to work with you. And we will share your information in the show notes as well so people can reach out and talk to you specifically about their situation, and whether they can explore okay with you and that's a fit for, for them in particular.
Jerusha Letal 25:45
Yeah, no, I appreciate the opportunity to share my passion with you. Because it definitely is a passion project. Leaving accounting and doing this as a career was was a jump. But it's, it's what I love to do. And I, I have my mission statement that says, I'm here to help. And that is something that I stick to and I and I try to have everybody understand about me is that that is my goal. I just want to help.
Deena Kordt 26:17
Thank you for being here for people. Okay,
Jerusha Letal 26:20
thanks so much, Deena.
Deena Kordt 26:23
Hopefully you heard something today that helps you wherever you might be in life. Do you have questions or a suggestion for a topic you want to know more about? Let me know. Check the show notes for all the contact information. Follow this podcast and find us on social. Know anyone who might find this information helpful. Be a friend and share it. And hey, thank you for hanging out with me today. Keep smiling up beautiful smile. The world needs your sunshine.
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