A business coach shares the story of her journey through divorce and bankruptcy.
Your finances (& your life) can take a huge hit when dealing with divorce or a change in your job. When you're struggling and nothing seems to be working, how do you get through it?
On the show today, Sue Styles shares her personal journey through divorce and bankruptcy offering lessons she's learned along the way. Sue is an author, podcaster, speaker, realtor & business coach. Her book "The Little RED Stick - What gets measured gets done!" is a business resource for mastering solo success. Listen to the podcast to learn how you can win a copy of her book! In it, she shares five secret ingredients to how to make a successful business
From Crisis to Clarity – How unexpected crisis and chaos give opportunity for clarity and how to turn your stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
Challenges are not stumbling blocks meant to keep you playing small, they can become stepping stones for those who will become tenacious in their efforts, and Sue will talk about what it took for her to get through divorce and bankruptcy and go on to succeed!
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Meet Sue! Join us May 28th where she'll be our keynote speaker during an ONLINE Divorce Resource group meeting.
For more information, you can find Sue online:
Website: suestyles.com
Phone: 403-805-7710
Email: sue@suestyles.com
IG: suestyles_results
YouTube: Sue Styles
Facebook: Sue Styles - Entrepreneur
LinkedIn: Sue Styles
Link for her book: "The Little RED Stick"
Sue's Podcast: Mind Your Own Business
Watch the video of this interview on our YouTube channel.
Deena Kordt 0:04
Hi, welcome to Life Changes Channel. I'm Deena Kordt. I'm the host of this podcast Life Changes Channel, as well as the publisher of Divorce Magazine Canada and Life Changes Magazine. Please check out our website because I have so many resources there from a blog to all the podcast episodes, as well as events, including every two weeks we meet in online divorce resource groups with our experts, you can ask them questions, and meet them and learn the answers that you need. Or some resources to point you in the right direction for wherever you might be stuck in this difficult transition of divorce and separation. As well as any other type of major life change. Now there is a blog, there's links for other resources as well. Please be sure and check all of that out. Because hopefully, at the very least, you will understand that you are not alone. And there are people out here who care and want to help you.
On the show today, I'm bringing you a really inspiring, amazing lady. Sue Styles is a successful entrepreneur, she's a real estate agent, but that hasn't always been the case. Her story is very interesting. She's also written a book, here it is "The Little RED Stick". And if you listen, she is going to tell you how you can win a copy of this, tune in on this episode. She also has a podcast of her own called "Mind Your Own Business". And she's just a wealth of information as well as inspiration. Because she's had some serious struggles in her life. And she tells us about that. And I hope you find that encouraging.
I also have a survey that I would really appreciate you sending me feedback on how I can help you better what we're doing right what you're enjoying. And to do that I offer an opportunity, put your name in draws to win gift cards. And that's my way of saying thank you, I appreciate your response and your feedback so that I can make this even better. Now let's meet Sue and hear her story as well as how to win a copy of her book.
Sue, I am so happy that you have joined me today. I really admire so many parts of what you offer to the world. So many - there's so much value. And I'm curious to know, before we get into all those pieces of value, what was the most difficult, the hardest? The biggest struggle that you've ever faced?
Sue Styles 2:55
Hmm, well, first of all, we all have so much value. And sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission or be courageous to let that come out and and help other people. And I've certainly lived a good number of years trying to do that. And it stemmed out of my hardest time. And that was after divorce. I'd been married for 13 years, we had four kids, we lived in the Okanagan. I just thought I'd you know, live out my, my Cinderella happy life there and, and the relationship fell apart. My husband was very depressed. And I didn't know what that was. And it did. It just did affect our marriage. And so we went our separate ways. And I moved with the kids here to Calgary, Alberta where I was born. And at first you know, you just go along, like you're just when you have a crisis, it's just reacting and you just keep your head above the water, not necessarily thinking. And it really wasn't until after a few years, I'd had a couple jobs. I was trying to find my feet. But I quit a job because the boss was abusive. Oh, he was a snake. And I just couldn't like I couldn't keep working for him. So long story short, I quit. And I thought I'll get a job quick. You know, find something else is a busy town, put out my resumes. But I was without a job for six months.
Now. Maybe I shouldn't have taken that risk. You know, we'll never know. But it was the choice that I took. And I ended up becoming bankrupt. I had to claim bankruptcy. And what what happened was my son was turning 12 I have three girls and one boy. And I thought 12 Wow, you know, like the beginning of your teenage years. This should be special. But I had no money like there was nothing there's not going to be a party. I can't take you anywhere. And so I do thought, I will try to appeal to a boy sense of food. What would you like for supper because I can go to the grocery store and I'll try and cook something really good? Well, what he wanted was ginger beef. You, you can't cook that at home, cooks ginger beef at home, you have to get that at a restaurant where the proper chefs, you know, cook that. So I was scared, because I knew I couldn't take us to a restaurant. And I just was thinking, What can I do? What can I do? And all I could think of was, if I went to my neighbors who, you know, you see them coming and going, say hello, once in a while, I thought maybe if I go to my neighbors, and ask if they have any bottles that they don't need, and just say, you know, we're going to the bottle depot, no big deal. But if you had a bag, you know, maybe we could take them off your hands. And I don't know if they knew what was going on. I can imagine now they probably had a guest but both of my neighbors gave me some bottles, thank God. And I was driving them to the bottle depot, you know, to get some money, not to take us out for dinner just to get an order of ginger beef. I'll cook the rice at home. And I was driving to the bottle depot, my car smelled, you know, like alcohol. And I was just I couldn't believe, while my life had been getting worse and worse and worse. That's not it can't. It can't be like this, like this can't be our life. So I got enough money, I got an order of ginger beef. I made rice at home. And it was just a sad party. And it really hit me that I could not provide even when I wanted to.
And that week, I just was desperate. You know for an answer. I was desperate for help. I need to get a job and nothing seemed to be working. You know, if you ever have that where everything's going wrong, and you're like nothing seems to be working. So I went to the place where we all go and we're down and depressed. Starbucks chapter. I couldn't afford a coffee. But I went to chapters. And I thought maybe there's a book, you know, and you can read those books for free. I just walked around. Well, I didn't find anything until I was on my way out. And I was really mad at this point. Like, God, I need the answers. And I'm not getting them and I'm not getting a job and I I need your help. And my eyes spotted. You know, do you ever just notice something when I spotted this black book, and I went over to it, and I picked it up, and I just flipped it open. I have since bought the book, it's "Integrity" by Dr. Henry Cloud. Well, I flipped this book open in chapters, and it landed on this page. And here's what the book or God said to me. Things never work. And when they don't, that's the time to make them work. Then if you do they work. But I burst into tears in the middle of the store.
Because that hit my soul. Somebody knew things weren't working. This wasn't just about me. This is the way things go sometimes and it was written in a book, when things don't work out. You can't stop trying. You have to get going. You have to keep trying until it's always say, Ah, I have to keep trying until Okay, I did I send out a bunch of resumes. I've done all this. It didn't work. Oh, I read this. And it just I don't know, it hit me like, this is what I need to do. I need to keep trying. It sounds simple. But it transformed my mind at that time. And took me out of a deep dark place to know it's going to be okay. You just have to keep trying until which I did.
Deena Kordt 9:04
That's incredible. And I'd love the power of those. Whatever you want to call them universal messages, divine timing the right teacher at the right time. Incredible. So how then did you take that message and use it to make things work?
Sue Styles 9:27
You know, it's just one step every day. It's one step. Every half was just a piano lesson. I'm not a good piano player, or a great singer, but I can hold a tune. And I like to write every once awhile. And yesterday I was playing the piano and I found this old song. And I had a laugh because just before that time I had written this song. I'm going nowhere. You know, I'm going nowhere for now. It figures just when I want to run I can't go anyhow I And I really that is how I felt. And I was singing it yesterday. And I laughed and I said, Well, isn't that funny, from going nowhere, look where you've gone. And that's, that's the part of it. You, you can't see it going forward, you really can only see it from looking in hindsight. And you just take one one habit a day and you keep trying to do one thing a day, I think a vision to have a vision for your life or how you want to be as good. And when I when we moved to Calgary there used to be there used to be an awards every year for women, I think it was called the power, women of vision. It was a woman of vision every year. And I heard that and something. I just thought, Oh, I wish that would be me one day. Boy, boy, when I get back on my feet, I want to be a woman of vision, and all the help that I wish I would have had while going through divorce while going through bankruptcy when nobody could tell or knew what what our home life was like, I want to be someone who will share that and help other people. And And bit by bit I have been able to do that along with business, but one step every day.
Deena Kordt 11:19
That's encouraging because we often get stuck in it's not working. We see others. It's looks like it's working for them. Yeah, how do we get from here to there? And it said one step at a time. For that, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do you accomplish anything? No,
Sue Styles 11:44
yeah, just think of one thing to do. And sometimes we need to first a good piece of advice I got was from a local psychologist here and she said don't be afraid to sit in the discomfort of what you're going through. Because I couldn't afford to buy alcohol. You know, I couldn't afford the vise. I had no way to lessen the pain. And I really liked that she gave me the the freedom. It's okay to just sit in the discomfort sometimes. And you'll see this in sports when my son played rugby, and someone would get hurt. And they couldn't like move right away. They would just stay down. They're told just stay there for a minute. And then the whole game would stop and everyone takes a knee. And sometimes we just need to take a knee for a minute. catch our breath. And then you know someone the doctor comes over. Are you okay? Do you need to stretch? Take a deep breath in. Exhale. Can you stand Okay, yeah. And everyone claps then once they stand up, everyone claps Okay, the game is back on. And I think it's okay for us to take a knee if we need it. Take a knee First, take a breath. Okay, and then continue on in the in this game of life.
Deena Kordt 13:01
Another analogy I've heard is just sit in your poopy diaper for a little while. Just just just just sit there and understand that this things are really shitty right now. And you know, that's just how it is. Okay, so if we just keep avoiding avoiding, we don't have a chance to process or maybe consider how it got to there or okay. This is bad. But what's what's that one step I could take, I can do something to make it work. And another thing that I'm guilty of not doing enough of and I'm assuming that's common for many women, especially maybe it's not to celebrate, looking at hindsight, celebrate. What steps have I taken as tiny as they are? What have I learned? What have I accomplished? What, you know, what, what didn't happen that potentially could have happened? Or that I didn't Yeah, a path that I now see. I'm happy I didn't take Yes.
Sue Styles 14:02
Oh, I love I need that reminder to to celebrate once you've done something. And I guess in a way sometimes when things don't work out, at least for me, when when things don't work out, I might take that as a sign like, Oh, I'm not meant to do that. Or, you know, maybe life isn't happy with me right now. Maybe I've done something wrong, you know, like we have that whole mind chatter. You know, honestly, the bullies in our head are worse than the bullies in the classroom. Right. So yeah, just going down that dark hole. And I had lunch with a kind lady once and she probably didn't know what she was saying to me, but it really hit me also, that she said, you know, Sue the divorce the bankruptcy. This didn't happen to you, like a punishment or something that that was bad. It was bad but it just didn't happen to you, it happened for you. Don't you see how you can help others? Don't you know that there's something that's coming out of this? That is going to be, you know your purpose. In this professional speaking industry, we often say, your message becomes your message. And it's very true.
And that shifted, actually, I lost my fear of, you know, becoming bankrupt again, or, you know, having a problem with a poverty kind of mindset. Because I had this eye opening what, yes, I might be able to help somebody, because of what I've been through, it didn't happen to me, it happened. For me, that's a powerful statement, I can actually step on top of those roadblocks, and get higher and higher, and you know, and then shout from the rooftops, I'm here to help I can help you. If you're going through something, you know, sit in it, take the next step, get your support, and you will become a woman of vision, the vision in your own mind of what you will become one day, maybe one day, you'll be sitting at the piano thinking, Oh, 20 years ago, I thought my life sucked. Well, look where I am today. Definitely can happen.
Deena Kordt 16:15
Hmm, tell us about what you've created from rising and stepping and using those roadblocks as, as a way to, to overcome them and and create something of value for others to lift them too.
Sue Styles 16:33
For for me, I've always been a sharer, storyteller, I have a degree in adult education, I always want to help some tell somebody, you know, something. And so the one of the first steps for me stepping out of my, my hard life and sharing was we had gone to the food bank, and listened, go ahead and step in and be resourceful for yourself. Nobody told me there was a food bank. I didn't know what that was. I even went to social services. And nobody told me, you know, I happen to see a sign and then asked about it. So pressing and be resourceful. Yeah, so luckily, we found a food bank a couple times. And, and was very thankful for that. After bankruptcy, your credit is bad sort of for seven years. But after seven years, you're released as like a release from bankrupt prison. And I was asked to speak to the Calgary Food Bank, and just share from somebody who would, you know, I didn't need the food bank anymore. And when I shared just a short five minute presentation is still on YouTube, I believe. I kind of went, Oh, I wonder if I could share more often. And what could I share about. And so I did start offering to speak and share to groups. And I often, in the early days before I spoke on business so much and learned about business.
But I did share the three things I learned in bankruptcy. And I'll tell you, you, your audience has probably learned these things to win, whether it's been a bankruptcy or something else. But first of all crisis brings clarity. When you are in a crisis, you can think of the pandemic, the floods, an earthquake, immediately, our minds go to the most important things. And so in a crisis, you get clarity, you're not jumbled up with all you know, I have a list of 5 million things I could do. But in a crisis, it's it is good in the way that it helps you be very clear.
We also learned that true wealth is in time, the time that you spend and not the money that you give, when you don't have money to give birthdays, Christmas, just spending time with family became the modality of wealth and, and giving cards of thanks. Instead of big gifts, you can always write to somebody how thankful you are for them. I have done that for all of my children, when you don't have the money to give. You learn to give the value that's in yourself. And therefore you must be aware of the value that's in yourself.
So and then the last thing was, no one else was going to make your dreams come true. Who Yes, and that was very disappointing for me. I always felt some magic fairy was going to come down. Someone was going to call me someone would magically see me. Someone would hear me and then they would just take me up. I don't know the ladder, whatever ladder and that's not how it happens for most of us. When it does happen that's when we get a movie about it because it's so unusual. No one else was going to say make your dream come true, it's up to you. And so take ownership for it and keep pressing towards the mark. And, you know, when you're working hard and luck meets opportunity, I mean, that's a great synergy. But your dreams are up to you.
Deena Kordt 20:19
I have to say I have a favorite of those three. And I think it's the number two, I think the value of your, your own value your time, and, you know, just realizing that that counts. Because we don't, we don't have as much money as we'd love to be able to give to our families, to charities, to causes that are important to us, or even just to luxuries, or to celebrating ourselves. It doesn't have to be in money. For me, I celebrate myself by allowing myself to leave my desk and go for a walk out in nature or just go sit in the sun. You know, that doesn't have to cost any money, shutting things down. And spending time with family. Volunteering, those, there's there's many ways that we have value we haven't considered. And I think that's very encouraging. And we need what I loved about that is we need to acknowledge it in ourselves. And then we write Yeah, then we value ourselves as well. And time is something we can't, we can't get back. So when we give it to someone, it's very precious. It is a precious gift. where money is more of an energy flow in out in out. Yeah, that's fascinating.
Sue Styles 21:47
Yeah, you have the power to, to make one other person feel good to feel seen. So I joined a choir recently. And I was sitting there this week, and a lady came up to me, I hadn't seen her before. And she just came up, like she owned the place and said, Hi, my name is Pam, who are you? And I'm an extroverted outgoing person. But I was really made aware of Wow, did that ever feel good. Someone just came up to me and said hello. And she was vibrant. And she made me feel good. And it was a good reminder. I can make other people feel good, too. You know, sometimes we we close up, and we keep our eyes down. Keep your eyes out and see if you can make someone else feel good. Even if it's your child coming in the door from school or for work. Hello, how are you? I see you. Yes, it makes them feel good. And it doesn't take any money at all. We're
Deena Kordt 22:47
putting our phones down when somebody's talking to us, anybody, especially our family. And just, you know, that is huge, because then you're focused and engaged. And especially, I think even more so now that they're all that phones are so prevalent in our in our world that they know that you have consciously set it aside to focus on them. And it's it's easy. I have numerous times in my life. I'll be going through the grocery checkout, let's say just happened again the other day. And there's there was a younger girl, she's checking things out. And she was just kind of, you know, doing her job. And she had these beautiful blue finger like very nicely painted fingernails. It looked so pretty nice. Wow. I love your fingernails, and she just lit up. That's all it took, like how many words was that? And yeah, and I noticed them and they were beautiful. I just said it. Or oh, I love your glasses or, or just how's your day? And is it been busy? Instead of just yeah, good or geez it's cold outside or just smile at someone?
Sue Styles 23:51
Yes, you can't do that. I don't think unless you you have that something inside or you've recognized something inside and that takes a bit of the work. You have value. You You can stand in your own shoes, and therefore you can give to somebody else
Deena Kordt 24:11
who that's powerful Sue because I think a lot of us operate especially, I know myself coming from over 30 years of an abusive situation where we've really honed our skill at being invisible. And it takes courage and it takes a lot of work to allow ourselves to be visible. So now when you when you open up and connect with someone, you're making them feel seen, but you're allowing yourself to be seen. So I think that's that's what it starts on the inside. Like you said that's very important.
Sue Styles 24:43
Yeah, exactly. Deena, thank you for elaborating on that. I know people will resonate with that. Yeah. That the lessons that I I share or started sharing have actually transformed into my businesses. Well, which is is funny, but you know, so over the years, oh, I got work. And I have worked in the real estate industry for over 20 years now. And I started speaking on on business principles for entrepreneurs, mostly in the real estate industry. But you know, it's really interesting that even though I'll talk on best habits, I'll give you the systems and the best practices and how you can keep clients and lead generate, and I love sharing all that stuff. But it was when, in one classroom, someone asked me something personal. And I shared, I think I shared, I think I shared the ginger beef story, I shared a personal story. And when I shared something personal with that kind of vulnerability, I guess, the whole tone in the room shifted. And since then, I have felt, yes, we're talking about business. But if you own a business, or if you're working in a business, you have life stuff going on all the time, too. So I've always just tried to share a little bit of a personal story or something that that just opens the room up to, I have nothing to hide, it's, I've made myself comfortable with that. And so sometimes for the people sitting in the audience, when they feel like they have something to hide, they might feel like they can come and share it with me. Because I've opened up I'm not going to be a judge. And I've, I've had a wonderful business of business coaching. And now I know, I'm a realtor now. But it has just transitioned into even in real estate, I won't say I am an expert in residential real estate. But more than that, I say I'm really an expert in people.
Deena Kordt 26:50
It's relationship building and seeing the human value.
Sue Styles 26:54
Yeah, and listening, active listening and, and reading between the lines and paying attention. Because I've done a lot of work to try to pay attention to myself, as we all need to over the years. But you know, there's a saying, There is a saying, I don't remember where I heard it, but it's very popular. Everyone is self made, but only the successful admit it.
Deena Kordt 27:21
Oh, how accurate is that?
Sue Styles 27:25
So you are self made, and you are successful? And you can admit it. And that's how that's just what I want to say for the most part, you can do it you are successful, you are worthy. And how can I help maybe by sharing a little bit of something, make someone else know what their next step is going to be?
Deena Kordt 27:50
I would love it if you could share with us Sue what you have created how people can learn from what you've learned, because you are you share this with others in multiple ways.
Sue Styles 28:10
Yes, I am an author. So I have three books. But I want to if it's okay with you, like let's do a game, I'd love to give it away as a prize, I'll send it to you in the mail. I'm holding it up. If you're watching on video, it's called "The Little RED Stick. What gets measured gets done". And this is a book where I have the five secret ingredients to how to make a successful business. And honestly, whether you're a solo entrepreneur or working in a company, these principles are what you need. They are the basics for every successful business. And they do. I do have some personal stories in there as well. So I'll say if you're hearing this podcast, and the podcast in the first 24 hours, if you will email me, Sue@suestyles.com. Very easy. Email me that for the price for the contest. And I will pick one of those emails and send you my book. And if you're not the winner, it certainly is available on Amazon.
So I've written a few books, I speak to companies and groups. And I have a podcast also called "Mind Your Own Business". And in my opinion, if you if you will listen to the first 40 episodes of that podcast, you will have the education to run your own business. I interview experts and successful entrepreneurs who share you know their own secrets to success. And I'm just starting to record my next season of podcasts as well. So hopefully you will get something out of that. And I have a website Suestyles.com Although it is mostly real estate but I can help you there too if you're in Alberta. For goodness sake, let me help you find a house or sell a house. So I guess I have a few ways that I can offer to help.
Deena Kordt 30:09
Now, don't panic if our listeners are driving or a parent or in the shower, whoever they're listening, we will have all those links in the show notes available for you. So you can easily find Sue, and definitely send her an email to be entered in the draw to win one of her books. And if you are beyond the deadline for that, you can jump on Amazon and easily find that and I'll have that link in the show notes as well. So it's been an absolute pleasure. And I am looking forward to more of your appearances here at our, you know, for the audience to hear your stories, more of your insights, the value that you bring from the lessons you've learned in life. And if anybody's interested in hearing and meeting Sue, virtually, I was gonna say in person, it's live. But she's going to presenting at one of our online divorce resource groups coming up in April. So those dates are all on our event page, which I will include that link in the show notes as well. It's free, you can listen from anywhere join us, bring your questions and thoughts and and Meet Sue hear what she has to to share there as well. Thank you Sue for your time. Thank you for your the gifts that you offer to people from the from the hard lessons you've learned and help help give us hope that if things aren't working, just keep trying keep trying until
Sue Styles 31:49
keep trying until Thank you. You know, this just happy to share I'm here to help.
Deena Kordt 31:58
I hope you found that conversation insightful, encouraging. And also a reminder to all of us that what we see isn't always as it appears people are going through a lot of things in their lives. And we would want that compassion shared to us. And that is something that we can offer to others without judgment. Instead, be curious and reach out. Reach in, figure out a way that you can make someone's day a little better and it might just start with a smile. I thank you very much for spending your time with me here today.
And encourage you to please subscribe to the podcast, follow us on social media. Check out our events, we have lots of ways that we can help you or someone that you love. Share this with a friend if there's someone that you know, could benefit from this. And hey, keep swelling that beautiful smile because the world really does need your sunshine.
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